Relationships need advice

Everyone wants to believe that their relationship is special, that theirs is different. As much as we want to believe that, it’s probably not true. All relationships take effort. They take work to maintain. No one is happy with their partner all of the time.  No matter how much you love each other, there will be problems.

Once you identify some common problems you can move past them, you can have a successful relationship.

Like needs like

It’s only human nature to be attracted to people who will occasionally drive us a bit crazy. This is because it takes a bit of balance to make things work. Two people who extremely similar will have few personality clashes but they may still not be completely content.  Some excitement from someone who is challenging.

Is there really the one?

When you start dating, especially if you looking online, you ask yourself how do you know which is the right one. Who is right for you?  Which is the one?

The right one may just not exist.  That’s not as tragic as it sounds. There is not just one. There will be someone that you choose who you will want to build a life with.

This one that you choose is the one with whom you work on your relationship. Once you start your relationship you create what is called “material constraints”. These are things that you share; a house, a car, pets. These are the things that bind you together.  If you begin to have some disharmony, ask yourself about what you could do if there is a disruption.

Another thing that can lead to rough seas in a relationship is bad timing.  Everyone is on a different timeline. Some may be building their business relationships. Others may be focusing on building a family.  This is why people should listen when a potential partner says that they are focusing on a career. It is much better to learn this at the beginning before you totally fall for them.

People aren’t as tolerant as they say they are

Even thought society has evolved along with the rise of technology, studies and data have shown that people are not as pro-interracial  dating as they say they are. Even though people say that they attitudes are tolerant, studies show that racial bias has actually intensified.

Passions rise and fall

At the beginning of a relationships, everything is bright and shiny. Romantic feelings run high.   As you move towards a normal day to day life, the passion may dwindle. This doesn’t mean that things are over; it just means that you are moving towards a more adult relationship.  Which also means that you do need to work on your relationship.  Think about the things you used to do for fun and plan some time together to do those activities.

Different values

It’s ok to have different interests. If you prefer to stay at home while you partner likes to go to sporting events, that’s not a big deal.  That is situation you can work with.  But if the issue is that you want to make money so you can buy a house and your partner wants to use that money to buy twin Jet Skis, then that is a different situation.

Having the same values is very important. This is why every couple should have a very specific conversation about values before they get married.  You should discuss children, finances, religion and anything else that you thin is important.

If you have wildly different ideals at the beginning, it is not going to resolve itself. It will only get worse.  Many people have serious delusions about marriage. Having a ring on your finger doesn’t change who you are.  You both have to be willing to work on the rough patches as they come up.

Experts in sex and romance say that everyone has outlandish and unrealistic expectations. Life is not a movie. In the movies people have perfect bodies and a couple is compatible from the very minute their clothes hit the floor.  When reality hits, problems start. Establishing communication at the outset will help through the rough patches.

The more you know, they better off you will be

One thing that is relatively promising is that the more education you have the longer your relationship may last.   Studies show that 78 % of college educated women can expect for their marriages to last for multiple decades.  Conversely less educated women have only a 40% chance of being in a long term relationship.

This doesn’t mean that you don’t have to work at your partnership. You do have to keep things moving forward and that is communication. If something is bothering you, tell your partner.  And be willing to answer their questions as well.

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