Getting out of a relationship can be hard no matter how bad the relationship is. This happens because when we love someone, our brain shows us feelings of love just like someone that is on drugs.
When they scan your brain and you are loving someone, this can look like a cocaine addiction, and it shows that there are increased activities in the brain centers. When there is love, the frontal lobe has less activities and this means that falling in love can make you feel good, but it can also affect how you see things.
This is why an addiction to being in love is like an addiction to other things and it can be hard to get out of this kind of love even when there is abuse or gaslighting that is happening. This can be because of the addiction and attraction that you have to feeling in love.
If you feel that you are in an unhealthy relationship, you need to figure out how to get out. Here is how:
Know the Problem
The first thing that has to happen is that you have to realize that there is a problem. Find someone that you can speak to such as a therapist or a counselor.
Ask yourself these things:
- Is this relationship good for me?
- Is this a negative thing in my life?
- Does this relationship hurt my self-esteem?
If your answer was yes, then chances are you need to talk to someone.
You need to learn to allow yourself to feel how bad the relationship is. Letting go is never easy and you will go through things such as anger and sadness. Allow yourself to feel these things instead of pushing your feelings back. This can give you time to heal.
Being in a toxic relationship can cause you to feel guilty and to feel ashamed. This relationship can come to your life to actually teach you something so instead of thinking that you messed up or wasted a big part of your life, take it as a lesson and learn from it. How has this person caused you to change and see things differently?
Life will give us lessons until we learn them and so you need to learn this lesson before getting into another relationship.
You need to distance yourself from this person even if it is hard. You more than likely spent a lot of time with them and separating can be hard. Do this and let yourself start to heal. This doesn’t mean that you cannot have a friendship with them but give it time to heal first.
Let Go of Memories
Get rid of things that you had of this person such as things they bought you or your social media. You need to throw out love letters and other things that will keep you tied to them.
You need to realize that your relationship was unhealthy and see it through other eyes. It can be hard to do with when you are with someone but once you see that the relationship was unhealthy you can move on better.
It is not uncommon to have good memories with someone even in bad relationships but remind yourself why you needed out in the first place.
Write a Letter
Write down all of the things that your ex did to you that hurt you. You don’t have to send this letter but write it and then read it. After you read it, destroy it but never forget what they made you feel.
If you would rather you can journal this and then you can go back and reflect on it as much as you need to.
Give Yourself Power
Take time to learn who you are and to be strong. Do things that you wouldn’t do in your relationship and things you neglected such as people and hobbies.
Work on the relationship that you have with you and learn to love yourself even more.
Make it New
Start a new chapter in your life. Don’t get stuck in what you gave up or what you lost but the positive things that you have done in your life.
Do not think on the things that you have lost but think about the things that you can have now.
You need to get rid of feelings of guilt and hate that have to do with your relationship and learn to love and forgive yourself and them. Do not make things hard on yourself but learn to forgive and move on.
Forgive your partner and let go of any feelings that you have with them. Have empathy and compassion on them as a person but remember that the relationship was not healthy.
Live in the Now
Life is in the now and you need to learn to live in the now and not get stuck in the past. Figure out what you want in your life and get it.
You have to accept what you have and move forward. People often are in relationships that are unhealthy because they choose to stay in them. You can never change your partner or who they are, especially if they don’t want to change.
Accept that they are who they are and get out.
Find Something You Love
Find things that you love and do them. Join a club or take a class. Find things that you can give to such as a cause or give your time to a food bank. Volunteer to work somewhere to help others. Find meaning and purpose in your life.
Take care of yourself and work on having a better life. Focus on the good things that you can do for yourself and let yourself have love and relationships that you deserve.
Things Aren’t Permeant
You need to realize that life is not permanent, and things change. Do not be upset when you have things that are different. Learn to accept that things come and go and that when something is not good for you that you need to let it go.
Even though you will be sad for a time, if you find that you are not able to move on then you need to seek help. Find people that can talk to you and go to a counselor or a therapist if needed. Talk to a family member or a friend to tell them what you are going through.
If you find that your sadness is causing you to always feel guilty or ashamed, talk to someone so that you can become whole again.
Never believe that there is no hope and know that you deserve to have a good relationship with someone that loves you and cares for you. Never put your needs behind everyone else.
Getting out of a relationship is never easy and you will see that it can be hard to breakup with someone. You will likely have grief and sadness, but you will learn to grow and feel better as you move along.
Always learn to love yourself and practice self-care so that you can heal. Do things that will help you to reach your needs. Love yourself through all of this and learn to move on in life.