In 2018, The Bachelor ended with Arie Luyendyk Jr. proposing to Becca Kufrin. He ended the engagement weeks later, and the show revisited his relationships with Becca and Lauren Burnham. For viewers, the change invited a familiar question. Why would someone leave a relationship that seemed to be going well? ABC’s account of the finale.
What the show leaves unanswered
Watching the episodes gives us a view of what the people involved said and did on camera. Their full conversations, private reasons and plans belong to them. That gap is easy to fill with a story about who was smarter, more confident or easier to date. A breakup gives us very little basis for ranking two people.
Why the question can matter after your own breakup
As a relationship and dating coach, I often hear from clients who are trying to understand why someone walked away. If it’s appropriate and you’re both willing, you can ask one direct question about what changed. Be prepared for an answer that leaves you with more questions, or for the other person to decline the conversation.
Work with what you know
Write down what happened, how it affected you and what you want from your next relationship. If the relationship ended abruptly, you might decide that clearer conversations about commitment matter to you. If contact keeps reopening the wound, choose a boundary around messages or social updates that you can keep.
Keep your voice in the next relationship
You can be confident, express a different opinion and still listen with care. Look for someone who makes room for that give and take. If a date seems to prefer you when you agree with everything, that gives you information about whether you want to continue.